A letter to my teenage self

I wish I could start this letter by writing, “Ah, how I miss the good old days…” because I certainly don’t. I don’t want to be buried under the plethora of uncertainties, struggles and dramas all over again. Given these reasons, I still thank these experiences that have shaped me as a person and have put me in the amazing place I’m in right now.

The weight of the world isn’t on your shoulders.

You are probably burying yourself with the “weight of the world,” feeling alone. I know you haven’t been going to your classes because you still haven’t completely grasped that what you have right now is called “depression.” Some people will underestimate and hurt you with their words. You will shut yourself from anyone who breaks into the wall you created. You will cry yourself to sleep. But just let it flow. Let it all out. Don’t feel weak just because you cried.

You’re not being a burden to your loved ones. Let them in instead. You will need support from them more than ever. They will be of even greater help than what you think they will be. You have a brother who would later on need someone to look up to.

Your family loves you.

I can never emphasize how much they’re willing to sacrifice for you. Your father will move to a new and strange country for your future. He will leave his family to give you and your brother better opportunities. Your mother will leave her teaching job for 20 years to bring you to a new place, away from the place that tormented you. They will love you unconditionally and support your decisions but they will not be afraid to question your choices. You’ll be able to talk to them about your worries be it about school, friends, work, and even your love life. Your brother will be your best friend. Your relationship will not be without flaws but you know you can trust him. He’ll be wiser as time goes by… and even taller!

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You’ll experience many disappointments.

I know that some people whom you thought should nurture you will disappoint you. And some whom you think your “friends” will turn their backs on you. You will try losing weight over and over again but don’t give up! You will feel like you already have everything planned but I promise it won’t always end up the way you want it to. You will feel like everything you built for yourself is crumbling down and you’re at the bottom. You’ll be disappointed but heads up, God has His own plan. You are stronger than any of your adversities. You’ll try to fit in but you’ll realize that you’re born to stand out.

Just because you’re interested doesn’t mean you’re in love.

For a long time you will carry him in your heart thinking that he might be the one. You will think that he’s giving you a very special attention but you’ll be hurt when you find out that the one he likes is your friend. Please take it easy. He may not see you the way you want him to but he’ll be one of your closest friends. You will come to terms that what you felt wasn’t a romantic type of love. Instead, you had an interest with someone whom you think has made you feel special.

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Skoki’s Banff, AB

You will have real friends.

You will meet a lot of amazing people in your journey and they will teach you valuable lessons in life. You will have friends who will take good care of you and whom you will love deeply. They will understand the whys and hows you have regardless of how foolish it may sound. As all great friendships are, your relationship will not be perfect. There will be days when you’ll be annoyed with their rants and them with yours. But they will always be there to help you carry your burdens and you’ll learn how to be someone they can trust.

You will visit your past and you’ll see that some things have changed.

When you’ve healed, you will visit your hometown. You will see how most people, including you, have changed. At some point, people will seem to have went on with their life as if you never existed. You will visit your old room where you used to cry yourself to sleep and it will seem smaller. Then you’ll look at yourself and ask, “If I never left, who could I have become?”

Regardless of it all, enjoy the short time you have.

You’re Somebody Else by Flora Cash

Well you look like yourself

But you’re somebody else

Only it ain’t on the surface

Well you talk like yourself

No, I hear someone else though

Now you’re making me nervous

God is your refuge.

Everything you think you’ve accomplished is not yours alone. There will come a time when you will feel lonely and depressed like something’s been missing. This is the time when you’ll remember that you’ve been neglecting God, the One who helped you built the world you think is yours. You will start reading the bible again and will see clearly how dark your life have been. Persevere. Don’t be weak. He will put people in your life who will help you deepen your relationship with Him and teach you His words. You’re not alone and never were.

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